Are you fed up with your lack of confidence and want to end this for once and for all?
I understand how you feel.
You probably thought of so many ways to be more confident but it all didn’t seem to work out for you.
All you really want to do is connect with others, have fun and dare to do live that adventurous and socially rich life.
I get that.
The problem that I think that most people have with a lack of confidence is that they spend too much time in their head. Instead of just experiencing life as care free as possible, they overthink things, and make it so complicated in their heads that it’s no wonder that they have a hard time with enjoying life.
One of the most common reasons why people have low confidence is because they give a shit about what other people think of them. You should stop with seeking approval from others because it won’t do your confidence any good.
Worse still, it keeps you from increasing your confidence and so you won’t make any progress until you have tackled this seeking approval problem.
I want to help you.
I want to learn how you not give a shit about what other people think of you and how you can do this without turning into an asshole.
Why seeking approval is pointless in the first place
If you thought that you were the only person who’s worried about what other people think of you, think again.
Most people are really self-conscious and even the most confident men find it important how they are perceived by others.
Why do you think we go to the gym, get a fresh haircut every few weeks and want to live that rock star life?
We all want to be liked by others.
So if you are worrying about what other people think of you then realize that they are probably busy with worrying themselves about what other people think of them.
They probably don’t even notice you.
The effect won’t last and you’ll need more
Seeking approval is just as pointless as running in circles. It’s like a drug and you’ll always want more when you eventually get some approval.
The effect is temporary and won’t last.
So you’ll stay in this self-destructing mindset where your happiness is determined by the approval you receive.
Are you seeking approval from your manager?
You might get that promotion one day and you feel great for a few days. Your manager gave you the approval you so desperately wanted right?
A few days later and the positive effect is gone (except on your paycheck), and you’re once again seeking for approval from your manager. Nothing really has changed.
Simply put, this is no way to be confident in yourself and to be happy in life. When you don’t manage to break this cycle you will always have a lack of confidence.
So how do we stop seeking approval from others?
What you seek you should find in yourself
We seek approval of others because we hope they can give us something that we currently are not giving to ourselves.
The first important step is to find out what kind of approval you are looking for. Maybe you want people to tell you that you’re smart or good looking. Or maybe you just want the approval of being good enough.
Whatever it is, it’s important to know because the reason why we seek approval in others is because we don’t give this approval to ourselves. You need to know what you need in order to fix and heal yourself.
When you manage to acknowledge what it is you are looking for and find a way to fix it in yourself, you will stop seeking approval from others. When you approve of yourself, your lack of confidence will disappear as well.
Pay attention to your actions
You have to pay attention to your actions to figure out what it is you want approval of. For example, let’s say you just made a big promotion at work. When you think about this big promotion and your first big paycheck, what do you imagine?
- Do you imagine telling others that you have a good job and make a lot of money?
- Do you imagine that you have status now that you earn good money and can buy luxury things?
- Do you feel like you finally have some value?
If you do, it appears that you are on a quest of approval from others in the form of status and respect. You want others to respect you because you really worked hard for the promotion and finally got that promotion.
But this won’t work. People won’t respect you until you respect yourself. When you notice that you are seeking out activities to gain approval of others, try to turn it around and ask yourself what it is you really need.
Figure out why you don’t respect yourself and heal that part of yourself. When you respect yourself you will notice that you won’t seek approval anymore from others. This will fix your lack of confidence as well.
How to stop seeking approval to kill your lack of confidence
You will never be free if you keep looking for approval of others.
Instead, you will end up living your life based on what other people think of you. This is no way of living and I want to help you to get out of this destructing habit.
You deserve to live the life that you want, and you don’t need anyone’s approval except the approval of yourself.
You have to understand that your true value comes from within.
Here is something you can do to break the habit of seeking approval:
When you do this exploration, try to do your best to answer these questions with your heart instead of your head. Don’t over analyze or debate what the right answer is.
Be honest to yourself.
Think of someone whose approval you would like right now and ask yourself this:
- Could I let go of wanting approval from this person?
- Would I?
- Could I allow myself to give myself approval directly, as best as I can?
Every time you go through these questions you will get some relief. You have to be patient and persistent with this exercise but eventually you will see results. When you apply this exercise you can really get to a point where you no longer need the approval of others.
You will find a way to approve and love yourself.
It’s all about awareness.
When you are aware of your bad habits you have a chance to correct them. This is necessary if you want to fix an area in life where you are having problems with. When you fix these problems your lack of confidence will disappear as well.
Seeking approval in others is one of the big reasons why someone has a lack of confidence. You have to understand that it’s a really nasty habit that you should try to break as soon as possible.
You have to be aware of your behavior in order to change this habit. Recognize why you are looking for approval in someone else and why you aren’t giving it to yourself.
Then give it yourself.
You are awesome and you should love and accept yourself for who you are.
Stay true to yourself.