How to Learn to Love Yourself: The Ultimate Guide

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how to learn to love yourself

No matter where you are right now in life, you need to learn how to love yourself if you want to move forward and achieve things.

If you don’t know how to love yourself or just can’t, then you will not make the most out of life.

It’s like living life with a limiter on it.

If you don’t love yourself then you don’t have any self-respect, which means that other people probably don’t have any respect for you either.

Not loving yourself is a really bad mental state that keeps creating roadblocks on your way to a better and more fulfilling life.

Here are some negative outcomes and results that could occur if you don’t have any self-love:

  • You have big dreams but never pursue them because you don’t see yourself as good enough to pull it off. You won’t chase your dreams as a result and are left with the constant thought of what if?
  • People are noticing that you are a pushover and take advantage of you. They find out that you don’t have enough self-respect to say no or try to manipulate you because they know that you desperately want some friends and validation.
  • You’re at a social event and see this nice looking girl which is talking to other people and is having fun. Your first thought is: “She looks nice and fun; I want to meet her.”
    Instead of doing so your second thought immediately cuts in: “I can’t talk to her, I don’t know what to say and I am probably too boring for her.”

These are just three examples of why life won’t be any fun if you don’t love yourself.

Life sucks living like that.

I want to help you how to learn to love yourself. So if you are being too hard on yourself, keep reading.

Here are the steps that will help you towards more love for yourself.

You need to know who you are

The first step towards more love for yourself is to know who you really are. Without knowing who you really are you won’t be able to know what it is about yourself that you love.

Who am I?

This question sounds simple but it’s actually a very hard question to answer. If you want to know how to learn to love yourself you first have to answer this question.

This question is about your values, beliefs, doubts, reality and even the perceptions of others imposed upon you.

Ask yourself this question and try the following:

  • Start making a list of the traits, talents, skills and thoughts that you feel make up the person you are right now.
  • Ensure you write down a reasonable amount of good and bad traits of your personality. It’s nothing to beat yourself up about it because it’s your complete package and you get to work on the parts that you don’t like.The only thing that matters right now is that you find out who you are and what you want to improve on. You also get to know your good traits that you probably didn’t even thought about until right now.
  • Really give yourself the time to answer this question. It isn’t a question that is answered within a day. Give yourself a week or maybe even longer to answer it properly. See it as your task for next week to ask yourself this question and to recall it during your daily duties.Take some time every day to write the things down that you’ve decided make up for who you are. Read it and spend some time to appreciate yourself and to find out what makes you unique from everyone else.Also try to answer these questions: Who am I, what am I, where am I, why am I me, when was I and how am I?

This should be a good guide to help you on your way with finding out who you really are.

If you want to know how to learn to love yourself then you should start with this exercise. When you know who you are it’s going to be a lot easier to progress into a self-loving person.

Learn to love yourself by accepting the past and present

Whatever you have gone through in life or whatever scars you might have from your past it’s important to find closure and move forward.

If you can’t let go of the past you will never be able to heal and to love yourself. You need to let go and find closure otherwise this negative energy will keep you down.

It’s like trying to swim with an anchor, you won’t get anywhere.

You won’t have any energy to move forward and to improve as a person when the past keeps haunting you.

These are some steps you should take to let go of the past:

  • Decide to let it go: Letting go of the past starts with deciding to let it go. Things won’t disappear automatically so you have to make the commitment to let it go. If you don’t make this conscious decision the rest of these steps won’t work. Making this decision also means you have the choice to let it go.
  • Express and share your pain: You have to express your pain. You can confront the person who gave you the pain for closure, talk about with someone you trust or writing a journal. You need to get it out of your system. Do whatever works for you and you will get an understanding what your hurt is really about.
  • Stop playing the victim: Humans like to play the victim because it feels good. It’s like being on the winning team of you against the whole world. The world doesn’t care however so you have to get over yourself. You are special and yes your feelings matter. You have to realize however that your feelings shouldn’t dominate everything else, because there is much more stuff that matters. You always have the choice to feel bad about something but you can also choose to not let it affect you and to stay strong. Take responsibility for your own happiness and to not put this power in the hands of another person or external factor.
  • Focus on the here and now: You can’t learn how to love yourself if you’re stuck in the past. Now it’s time to let go. When you focus on the present you have less time to think about the past. Of course thoughts of the past will creep up on you at times and you should acknowledge them for a bit.When you do say to yourself that it’s okay. That was the past and now I’m focused on my own happiness in the present. You should remember that the only thing that we can change is the present.
  • Forgive them and yourself: You might not be able to forget another person that has hurt you in the past, but almost everybody deserves forgiveness and a second chance. We can’t stay stuck in our pain and stubbornness to let it dictate our lives. You have to be able to imagine forgiveness, so don’t get stuck in your pain and stubbornness. This isn’t a sign of weakness like many people always seem to think. It’s a sign of strength and you are actually saying: “You did something that hurt me but I want to move forward so I forgive you for what you did.” Forgiving yourself is important as well because sometimes we will end up blaming ourselves for our hurt. You’re hurting might be your fault but there’s no reason to keep beating yourself up over it. You have to forgive yourself otherwise you can never move forward.

These steps are also applicable on your present. So remember that you are the one that’s responsible for your happiness, no one else. You really have to move forward and let go of the pain if you want to truly love yourself.

You are the most important person in your life

This is your life!

You aren’t living this life for anyone else. When you turn 18 years old you are seen as an adult and you can make your own choices from that point.

See your life as a movie and ask yourself who has the leading part?

That person should be you!

No one is as important as you in your life. It might even sound egoistic but you have to always put yourself first. Everyone else does this as well and you have to stand up for yourself.

This doesn’t mean that you should become this ***hole that truly only cares about himself. No, you should still be helpful to others and be generous.

It means that you stand up for yourself and go after what you want. You need to make sure that you get what you need.

Maintain your boundaries

This also means that you maintain your boundaries.

You have your values, norms and beliefs that other people should respect. If people cross this line you should make it clear to them that you have boundaries and that they just crossed one.

It’s not about being this uptight person but being a person with self-respect.

No human being is better than another. We are all equal even though some people have more money or power. People should respect you and you should respect other people.

When they fail to do so you should cut them loose.

You deserve to be around people that care and respect you.

I hope you like this post so far. If you’re really serious about improving your self-esteem and confidence then I can really recommend this product by Brian Tracy.

Stop with the negative self-talk

I wrote about this in another post so if you’re having trouble with negative thinking I suggest you read this post.

The way you talk to yourself has a massive effect on your state of mind.

We are our thoughts so if your thoughts are negative we are negative. This is something you have to realize. You have to be aware of what you’re thinking and find a way to correct these negative thoughts you have about yourself.

This won’t be easy to do. You really have to focus and write down all the negative thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself. Find out which thoughts come back more often and try to turn them into something positive.

If you don’t know how to love yourself then this might be the reason. You subconscious is constantly producing negative thoughts that you might not even be aware of.

So start with being more aware of your thinking.

Do what makes you feel good and be yourself

The most important thing is to do what you love and to be yourself.

If there is something that gives you a good feeling (and I don’t mean drugs) then by all means, just do it. You shouldn’t care about what other people think about it.

As long as you don’t hurt other people or take on self-destructing habits you should feel free to do whatever it is you want.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.

This is YOUR life.

It’s not the life of your parents, it’s not the life of your colleagues and it isn’t the life of your friends. If they keep criticizing you for doing things that make you happy then you should choose for yourself.

You don’t want to surround yourself with people that have a negative influence on your life. You should rather surround yourself with positive people who encourage you and lift you to a higher level.

Stay true to yourself, be proud of your values and beliefs and feel free to express your personality. It’s better to have 2 good friends who love you for who you are then to have 8 friends who like a fake version of yourself.

In conclusion

This has become quite a long post on how to learn to love yourself.

This means that it isn’t always easy to love yourself. There is always more to learn about yourself and life and this post is a good reminder.

The first thing you want to do is to find out who you really are. Really take some time to explore yourself before progressing into letting go of old pain, recognizing self-destructing thought patterns and realizing that you are the most important person in life.

Loving yourself won’t happen overnight, but if you are willing to look inside and take action you will surely find a way.

  • Hunter

    Thanks for the blog. Really struggling with this right now.

    • You’re welcome!

      I hope my blog can contribute value to your life. If you have any questions or suggestions on what to write about I would like to hear about it!

      What is it in life you’re really struggling with?