There are a lot of people that are shy and want to get rid of shyness.
Maybe you are one of those people.
Do you have a difficult time with making friends or talking to a stranger? Or do you just want to be more present in social events?
There are a lot of different forms of shyness. Some might only be shy when they have to talk in front of a crowd or when they are talking to a beautiful girl.
All these people have one thing in common though:
They want to know how to get rid of shyness.
And I get that.
Being shy isn’t a big problem per se, but it’s still limiting you to perform in certain situations or to have more fun in life.
What would people answer if I would ask the following questions?
- Who doesn’t want to have fun at parties and be able to connect with others easily?
- Who doesn’t want to be able to feel comfortable when speaking to a crowd of people?
- And who doesn’t want to be able to talk to a beautiful girl without feeling nervous and shy.
It’s a no-brainer of course:
We all want to be able to express ourselves without discomfort or shyness.
Overcoming shyness isn’t something that will happen in a week, but it is definitely possible to overcome. I hope this post can jumpstart this process.
So without further ado, here are seven proven steps on how to get rid of shyness and to become more confident as a result.
Start with good hygiene and dressing well
Before we start with the more advanced steps towards a less shy you, we should start with the basics.
You can’t feel good about yourself if you have bad hygiene or when you walk around in ugly clothes. I’m not saying that you should immediately start buying new outfits from brands like Ralph Lauren, Hugo Boss or Tommy Hilfiger, but you should put some effort in dressing well.
Basic hygiene is important as well. If you’re shy you have enough to think about then to worry about if you’re smelling bad or have something between your teeth.
Just shower every day, brush your teeth, get a haircut once in a while and buy some decent clothes. You will find out that you will feel better about yourself when you look decent.
Put your focus outwards
Most people that are shy are focusing too much on themselves. They are really self-aware and are really focused on themselves.
They are so self-absorbed that they might have the feeling that they having nothing to say. Especially at parties they feel like they should have amazing stories to be the life of the party. By having these thoughts and inward focus they won’t break this cycle.
You want to be the life at the party and focus too much on yourself -> you won’t be the life of the party -> feeling more like you should be the life of the party -> even more focus on yourself.
It’s like running in circles.
The trick is to focus your attention on others.
The thing is that people love you when you give them attention and find them interesting.
Overcoming shyness isn’t about feeling great about yourself. It’s about forgetting yourself and focusing outward.
Ask people some questions and be honestly interested in them. When you are at an event with strangers you could ask how they know each other. It gives you something to talk about and gives others the chance to talk about themselves.
Before you know it you aren’t focusing on yourself anymore.
This is a good thing if you want to get rid of shyness.
Have something to talk about and talk to other people
Like I said before, you won’t fix your shyness in a week. It takes time to break a habit and to make new ones.
The best thing you can do if you want to eliminate your shyness is to make it a habit to talk to other people. When you talk to other people you won’t be focusing on yourself that much and you start to realize that people might actually like you for who you are.
You have to get familiar with talking to other people if you want to feel less shy about yourself. If you don’t know what to say or don’t have a lot of experience with talking to strangers start small.
You should do some preparation and always have something to talk about when you want to make a habit of talking to strangers.
Start by reading and watching the news. This way you have multiple topics to talk about every day. You can ask someone if they have read the news and what they think about that new law that just has been passed.
Start small and try to make some small talk with other people. Before you know it you’re in a conversation with someone and discussing the latest developments in life.
The more you talk to others the more you begin to realize that there is no reason to be shy about yourself. If you give other people attention and show interest in them, they will like you for sure.
How to get rid of shyness by being vulnerable
A lot of people that are shy are afraid of what other people think of them or how they will be judged by others. This fear is really self-destructive and the only way to overcome it is to make yourself vulnerable.
It’s the scariest thing to do when you already have that fear of what other people think, but it’s the only way. Practice being vulnerable with the people you can trust or are already close to. You have to let other people see the real you if you want to build a deeper connection with other people.
You should be proud of who you are, so let other people see the real you. If they don’t like who you are then screw them. You wouldn’t want to hang out with people who don’t like you anyway right?
You have to stop with seeking approval from others if you want to overcome your shyness.
This way you will quickly discover which people are your real friends and which ones are not. By the way, being real and vulnerable is often the quality that others appreciate the most about you.
Step out of your comfort zone
To speed boost the process of getting rid of your shyness you should get yourself in new situations as often as you can. Step out of your comfort zone in other words!
I remember that I was shy as well back in the day and I also know how I got rid of that shyness. Do you want to know how?
By getting into a lot of new situations where I had to build new relationships with strangers.
I’ve changed studies multiple times, so each time I got into a new college I had to start over with building relationships with other students.
Not only college, I also started playing soccer by that time. Again, I was in a new group and had to start from the beginning with forming relationships and friendships with these people.
So you can see, pushing yourself into new situations forces you to make new friends and form relationships with other people. It’s a great way for overcoming shyness and before you know it you realize that you can make friends with anyone.
Do you like a particular sport? Well, get into a team and start playing that sport. Do you like cooking? Get involved in a cooking club etc.
You get the idea, find likeminded people and get into a new environment.
Stop with the negative self-talk
I’ve talked about this before in another post.
Negative self-talk is a pain in the ass and probably the reason why you don’t know how to get rid of shyness. Most of our thoughts are sub conscious so you probably don’t even realize how you think about yourself.
I can tell you that most thoughts we have on a day to day basis are negative. This means that if you are thinking badly about yourself you don’t give yourself a chance to fix your low self-esteem.
You might try to feel better about yourself by improving your life and yourself but if you still have these negative beliefs about yourself it won’t make a difference.
Try to be conscious about what you think about yourself on a daily basis and try to correct these thoughts.
This post can certainly help you with that.
Don’t compare yourself to others
The last advice I want to give you in the post is to not compare yourself to others.
The more you compare yourself to others the more you are going to feel that you are inadequate or don’t measure up to other people. This will make you feel intimidated and as a result you will become shyer.
There shouldn’t be a reason to compare yourself to others and if you decide to do, do it realistically.
You might think that the confident guy at a party who is entertaining a group of people never has any self-doubt. It looks like he has it all doesn’t it? You already started to compare yourself to him and feel like you will never be that confident or cool as he is.
In the mean time you don’t know that this guy actually doubts himself a lot lately. He dropped out of two colleges the last few years and doesn’t know what he really wants to do in life. This makes him worried and restless but he decides to put it aside and to have fun at the party.
So to put it simple, you might compare yourself to other people and put them up a pedestal for no reason. We all go through hardships in life and even the most self-confident people are unconfident at times.
So you shouldn’t compare yourself to others for any reason. The only reason that I can think of is if you want to learn to improve at something by studying how someone has done it.
Even your heroes go through life with struggles and doubts, remember that.
You are you, and that is perfect!
These 7 steps should give you a direction on how to get rid of shyness. Becoming less shy isn’t something that will happen overnight so keep practicing.
Remember to start small and don’t try to change everything at the same time.
Start with making small talk with strangers and putting your focus outwards on other people instead of being too self-conscious.
When you’ve mastered these steps it’s time to get busy with the other steps.
Good luck, and don’t forget to share this post or to leave a comment if you thought this post was helpful!