You see a group of people talking and having fun.
You wished you could just walk up to that group and connect with those people to have some fun as well.
But the only question lingering in your mind is how to become socially confident.
You lack the confidence to just walk up to a group of people.
There is nothing that you would rather do then to have conversations, telling jokes and feel comfortable about yourself in these situations but you just can’t.
There is this fear that people won’t like you for who you are and it makes you insecure and unconfident.
Does this sounds familiar?
If it does then you’re reading the right post.
I want to help you to become more social confident so that you don’t feel unconfident anymore to walk up to a group of strangers.
It’s important to understand why confidence is so important. You can become socially confident by engaging other people in a way that interests them and makes them feel heard. These skills are also known as social competence and research has shown that improving social competence has a positive influence at how you look at yourself.
In this post I am going to teach you how to become socially confident. You will learn some social skills and I will help you to improve your self-esteem and confidence.
I want you to be the life on the party and to enjoy social gatherings just like other people do.
And trust me, you are not the only one struggling with social confidence.
In fact, did you know that every third person you meet feels uncomfortable in social situations?
So, take some comfort in this fact and let’s get you socially confident!
Accept who you are
The first step I want to teach you in how to become socially confident, is to accept who you are.
Not everyone of us is an extrovert.
Chances are that you are an introvert, and more comfortable spending time alone with your own thoughts.
And you know what? That’s perfectly fine!
There is nothing wrong with being introvert and to not be the most talkative guy around. You should instead focus on the strong points of an introverted personality, such as being a good listener. Have meaningful and deep conversations with likeminded people instead of focusing on how many people you talk to.
Introverted people have great qualities and the more you’ll stay true to yourself in conversations the more you will enjoy them. People will like you for being yourself and being that trustworthy person they can always talk to.
Shut down negative thoughts and test your beliefs
The way that you look at yourself has a huge influence on your confidence. You might have a conversation and think that the other person thinks very negative about you. Most often this is not the case but it’s a negative belief you’re looking to confirm.
You see, if you think negative about yourself you’re unconsciously looking to confirm those thoughts. It’s important to not fall into this trap and to analyze where your thoughts and beliefs are coming from.
You should try to avoid negative thoughts. If you want to learn how to become socially confident then it starts with positive thinking. If you don’t see yourself as socially confident it’s very easy to look for evidence that confirms this belief.
Try to correct yourself when you’re thinking negative about yourself and try to reframe the thought into something positive. You should ask yourself what evidence you see or hear that proves that your negative thought is correct.
Most often you will find out that thinking these negative thoughts is just plain stupid.
It’s also very important to test your beliefs. If you looked for evidence to support how you feel you should test that evidence to see if it was caused by other things beyond your control.
You can’t always assume that someone reacts in a bad way because of you. Other people have lives as well and if someone is shutting you down or is rude to you, it could also just mean they had a bad day.
Don’t always assume that if someone reacts negatively to you that it has something to do with you as a person. There could be a lot of other reasons out of your control that caused this kind of reaction.
Don’t sweat about it!
Join a meet up club
The best way to get you more socially confident, is to get you around people as much as possible.
Do you like a particular sport or do you have other hobby’s such as cooking? Why not join a sports club or start going to a cooking club?
By doing this you will surround yourself with new people you will interact with. The best part about doing this is that you get to talk about (or perform) your passion as well. If there is something out there that you really like and there are meet up clubs about that subject, then you should definitely start going to them.
It shouldn’t be hard to talk about your passion.
You will gain some experience and confidence because you’re interacting with new people and build new relationships.
The more positive interactions you have with people, the more socially confident you will become.
Life’s all about connecting with other people.
Improve your skills to become socially confident
To get more social confidence it’s also important to improve your social skills.
Have you ever heard of the organization Toastmasters?
It’s an organization that has clubs all over the world to help people be more effective communicators. Members gather at those clubs and give you exercises (like different kind of speeches) that you need to perform in front of the group.
This might sound kind of scary but these clubs are all very positive and empowering. It’s all about improving and the other members will help you with this. So if you are really serious about being a better communicator then you should definitely check out a club somewhere near you.
Here are some other social skills that you’ll need to work on to be a better communicator:
- Express compassion for others: If you show compassion to others you’ll creating a positive environment when you interact with other people. It’s important to pick up on social cues and to show empathy when others need it. The other person will love you for just being there and listening to their story. You will also feel good about yourself because you helped someone out by just showing empathy, which will increase your social confidence.
- Show interest in other people: The world isn’t all about you and showing sincere interest in other people will make you very likeable. Look others in the eye when they are talking to you and try to make them feel heard. Also try to keep your body language open (no crossed arms) and try to become aware of verbal and non-verbal signals that you send to others.
- Speak clearly and at a reasonable pace: Speak clearly when you speak and don’t mumble. Others need to hear what you are saying so don’t speak to quiet. People that are speaking with a low clear voice and don’t talk too fast appear more confident to others. If you are having difficulties with this try to practice this in the mirror.
Practice in the field
I’ve said it before.
The best way to learn to become socially confident is to practice this in social settings. So put yourself in new social situations and try to have interactions with other people. This is the quickest way to gain confidence when talking to other people.
The more you do this, the better communicator you’ll become.
If you find this difficult ask a friend to go to a social event with you. This is an excellent way to meet the friends of a friend and a nice way to meet new people without having to introduce yourself. Your friend could do the introduction and you could simply join the conversation whenever you are ready.
I hope I’ve given you some pointers on how to become socially confident.
The most important thing is to improve your self-esteem and to love yourself for who you are. If you can manage to do this then the rest will come naturally.
The other pointers in this post should be clear as well.
If you want to have more social confidence then you need to be around other people. If you can manage to do this and challenge yourself to talk to strangers then you will be socially confident in no time!